I Gave Up Walmart for Lent

Living in Johnston, South Carolina, makes going to Walmart a treat. I’ve admitted many times that I love Walmrt so much I gave it up for Lent. When you give something up for Lent you have to replace it, so during the Holy Season I shop at a smaller store named Fred’s. This store is the love child of Walmart and Family Dollar.

One day as I waited in the Walmart checkout line, I noticed the people in front of me were aggravated. The checkout guy was the reason. He had everything pierced you could possibly have pierced. He had a safety pin above his eyebrow, a metal spike through his cheek, and enough rings above the other eyebrow to hold a small shower curtain.

I wanted to ask him to unhook the safety pin over his eye just to see if his eyebrow would fall off. The guy had so much metal on his face a series of questions ran through my mind: If you ran real fast would you whistle? Is your name Pierce? Did you fall into a tackle box? I enjoyed thinking of funny questions as I watched the people in front of me—they obviously had no sense of humor.

I placed the space bar on the belt between my merchandise and the person checking out in front of me. When my turn came,“Pierce” started to scan the space bar. I just stood there thinking, You’ve got to be kidding. Is your brain pierced?

The magic continued. “Where’d you git this frommm?” he said.

I could hardly understand him. He had a huge silver-colored ball lodged in the middle of his tongue. I thought, Did he lick that tackle box when he fell into it? But I said, “Uh, I don’t believe I want that space bar.”

Some people would have lost their temper, and hey, why not? After all Walmart is an acceptable place to pitch a hissy fit. Instead, I chose humor.

What if I had unleashed my anger? How would that have affected the rest of my day? Laughing is a much better option.

And I also reminded myself of the way I looked when I was that age.

(Excerpted from Bury Me with My Pearls by Jane Jenkins Herlong, published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Used by permission.)

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Your Turn

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Bury Me with My Pearls

Bury Me with My Pearls: Humor with a Spiritual Twist

by Jane Jenkins Herlong

Normal Price: $12.95 (print)
Amazon Price: $7.95

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Jane-Jenkins-Herlong[1]Professional humorist, singer and best-selling author Jane Jenkins Herlong finds the funny in dysfunction while entertaining folks with her comedy and singing heard on Sirius XM Satellite Radio and Pandora. From the tomato fields of her native Johns Island, South Carolina all the way to the runway of the Miss America Pageant, Jane’s contagious optimism helps audiences learn how to handle difficult life situations with a sense of humor and grace. Through original Southern stories and award-winning singing, audiences learn life skills dealing with stress to achieve more success. Jane travels across the country and has spoken in New Zealand and Germany. She is fluent in four languages: English, Southern, Northern and Gullah. Her story of overcoming being labeled dyslexic and other challenges gives audiences a recipe for balancing their own personal journey with humor and hope, and her book Bury Me with My Pearls: Humor with a Spiritual Twist was a Gold Medal Winner of the 2015 Illumination Book Awards.