Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
James 4:7 NASB
Your Heart’s Cry
The one I married is not the one I desire. Images fill my mind of bodies and faces I’m not supposed to want. I desire what I cannot have, and it’s affecting what I do have. Smiles and kind words to members of the opposite sex have gone further than I expected. What started out as flirtation has turned into intimacy. I’ve given more than I set out to give. I’ve gone further than I set out to go. There is no way back. I cannot return down the road I came. The bridges have been burned.
The trust has been severed. Life has taken the strands of my desires and twisted one need upon the other. My hunger has been interwoven with my insecurity, braided together with my fears. I want what I should not have. I desire what is not mine to desire. What good is hoping against hope for reconciliation while my needs go unmet? What consolation is there in denying the hunger my spouse refused to acknowledge? I hungered, but I was not being fed. My need to be understood, respected, and treasured was left unmet, as was my need to be needed. I found it all in the arms of another.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8 NIV).
You merely found the crouching lion waiting to devour what was precious. Every moment your attention is pulled away from what is true, is focused on a lie. The truth is, your spouse could never fulfill all your needs and neither can the one you are with now. You have twisted the focus of your hunger away from what can truly satisfy your needs. Lust is an imitation of love. It has some of the benefits of love without the commitment that makes love meaningful. Loving forever is a choice. It is a daily choice to mend bridges before you travel too far to return.
Bridge the gap your hunger has created in your marriage. First, admit your part. Your spouse is not the cause of your hunger and cannot be held responsible for your transgression. Own your actions and come to Me with a repentant heart. Confess your actions to the one you have vowed to love, and ask for their forgiveness. When they act out in pain, realize you caused that pain and allow time for the sting of the injury to lessen. Seek out godly counsel to guide your journey back to each other. Come before Me separately for individual healing then together for covenantal healing. I alone have the power to close the mouth of the lion and speak life into your relationship once again.
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What have you hungered for that is dangerous to your soul?
by Saundra Dalton-Smith
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Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith is a Board Certified internal medicine physician. She shares with audiences nationwide on the topics of eliminating limiting emotions, finding grace in difficult places, and experiencing personal renewal by drawing near to God. Dr. Dalton-Smith is a national and international media resource on the mind, body, spirit connection and has been featured in Women’s Day, Redbook, and First For Women magazine. She is the founder of I Choose My Best Life. Her other books include award-winning Set Free to Live Free: Breaking Through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves.